Understanding Fear: The Four Faces of Fear
Good day, dear woman reader!
This month, I will address the difficulty that many human beings face when fear is the main emotion leading their lives. Why are some people caught in the midst of their fears while others appear to have very few?
In my book, My Beauty & My Beast: Mind, Body and PMS, I have written extensively about fear and the many ways it can influence our lives.
Today, I would simply like to look at fear in a way that is easy to understand by describing what I see as its four different phases.
We all begin life with what I call our Primal Fear. It is instinctual. After we are born, if no one takes care of us, we are not viable on our own and would survive only a very short time.
Then comes what I call the Initial Fear. This appears whenever we begin something new or attempt an unfamiliar experience for the first time. Our old brain reacts with a split-second fear that happens in all of us. We may even stop breathing for a moment until we realize that we can do this—or at least give ourselves enough practice to become better at it.
If we do not conquer and master this initial fear, but instead allow it to control us, it becomes what I call the Jailor Fear. It begins to handicap our movements, our thoughts, and our behaviour. We may gradually become afraid of more and more things. As this happens, fear becomes our jailer, making it difficult to grow, expand, and fully experience life.
Lastly, we have what Tony Robbins calls the Counselor Fear. This is a fear we should respect because it acts as a guide, helping us discern when to move forward and when to pause. It is not the absence of fear, but rather a courageous inner wisdom that reminds us we are capable of overcoming our initial fears.
How Do We Heal Our Fears?
There are many paths for you to explore.
I encourage you to dig deeply and ask yourself: What am I truly afraid of? How have those fears influenced my life?
Sometimes the roots of our fears are found in childhood experiences. Other times they come simply from the beliefs and fears we inherited through our family.
If I had followed my mother's fears, I would never have done many of the things I felt called to do.
You owe it to yourself to do some inner housekeeping. Otherwise, you may become the puppet of your fears.
Furthermore, you continue living as their slave and may unknowingly teach your children to be afraid as well, passing those fears from one generation to the next.
I encourage you to seek help if you need it. It is often very difficult to dig deeply by ourselves because we fear what we might discover. But remember—that, too, is simply another fear.
On a final note this month, and at the risk of repeating myself from previous writings, keep in mind that you have far more power than you think.
If these reflections resonate with you and you would like to explore this subject more deeply, I invite you to read My Beauty & My Beast: Mind, Body and PMS. Within its pages, I share many stories, insights, and personal discoveries about fear, healing, and the profound connection between our emotional experiences and our physical well-being.
Warmly and with my affection,
Pauline Houle
Editor's Note: This article was originally written as part of Pauline Houle's monthly newsletter series. It has been lightly edited for readability and updated to remove dated references while preserving Pauline's original voice, message, and heartfelt perspective.
Disclaimer: The thoughts shared in this article reflect Pauline Houle's personal observations, therapeutic perspective, and life experience. They are intended for educational and inspirational purposes and are not a substitute for professional medical, psychological, or mental health care. If fear or anxiety is significantly affecting your daily life, please consider speaking with a qualified healthcare or mental health professional.