Is Unprocessed Grief Affecting Your Wellbeing? What Your Body and Emotions Might Be Trying to Tell You
This week, I’m answering a question from several readers:
How do we truly process grief?
And what does it look like when we don’t?
Most of us associate mourning with death. But the truth is, grief shows up in far more places than we’re taught to expect—and when we don’t allow ourselves to feel it, it lingers in our minds, our bodies, and our choices.
What Does It Really Mean to Be in Mourning?
When I first looked up the word "mourning," I was struck by how it was defined. According to one dictionary, mourning is something we can be in, wear, do, or lead. The English language describes it as deep sorrow following a loss, while the French definition in the Petit Robert surprised me: the antithesis of mourning was listed as happiness.
That definition didn't sit right with me. Can’t we feel sadness and joy at the same time? Can’t we mourn and still experience beautiful moments?
I believe we can.
In fact, I believe we must.
Grief Is More Than the Loss of a Loved One
In my previous therapy practice, I’ve seen time and time again that grief is not just reserved for funerals. It often goes unnamed and unprocessed. People come to me holding losses they didn’t even realize they had never grieved:
A divorce
A friendship that faded
A lost job or business
A childhood dream that never became reality
Their youth, their home, their innocence
These losses don’t always come with rituals or closure. So instead of being released, they get buried—until something in life triggers them back to the surface.
What Happens When Grief Is Left Unprocessed?
If we don’t give grief space to move through us, it builds.
It becomes the quiet weight we carry.
Sometimes, it shows up as physical symptoms like exhaustion, illness, or chronic stress. Other times, it emerges through emotional shutdown, anxiety, or sudden outbursts we can’t explain.
As I often say, what we don’t feel, we freeze. But frozen emotions don’t disappear. They sit quietly inside us until life—or the body—brings them back up.
Grief Is More Than Sadness
Grief is not a single emotion. It is a complex blend of sorrow, anger, fear, loneliness, regret, sometimes even relief or joy. Especially when someone we loved was suffering, we may carry conflicting feelings that don’t fit neatly into the word sadness.
This emotional cocktail can confuse us. If we don’t allow ourselves to experience all of it, we risk numbing ourselves altogether.
And when emotions are numbed for too long, they will eventually find another way to surface—often through burnout, physical pain, or emotional shutdown.
What Are You Still Mourning?
I invite you to pause and reflect.
Sit quietly, journal in a favorite spot, and ask:
What have I lost that I never truly acknowledged?
Are there people, moments, or dreams I’ve said goodbye to, but never really released?
What grief may still be waiting for my attention?
Let the memories come gently. Let the emotions rise. If tears flow or anger stirs, you’re doing it right. These emotions are your body’s way of signaling that you’re ready to process what was once too overwhelming.
If it feels right, write a goodbye letter. Say what you never got to say. Whether it’s to a person, a version of yourself, or a vision you had for your life—honor what was lost. You cannot go back, but you can release it.
When You Begin to Heal, Your Body Responds
Your emotional wellbeing is deeply connected to your physical health.
Unprocessed grief often lives in the body, showing up as fatigue, inflammation, chronic tension, or menstrual pain.
If this resonates, you are not alone—and you are not broken.
That’s why I wrote My Beauty & My Beast—to offer women a compassionate space to see their symptoms not as enemies, but as messengers. Real stories, real healing, and real tools to help you reconnect with your body and your truth.
Want to go deeper in a safe, supportive space?
Join me for a live virtual gathering where we talk about grief, emotions, the body, and how to begin releasing what you’ve been carrying.
This space is for women ready to reconnect with their emotional truth and explore healing beyond the surface.
You’ll be met with warmth, guidance, and the reminder that you’re not alone.
Final Reflection: What If Mourning Isn’t the Opposite of Happiness?
What if it’s actually part of how we return to it?
Grief is not a detour. It’s a doorway—an invitation to care for yourself in a deeper, more honest way.
Let yourself remember. Let yourself feel.
Let yourself heal.
